Unspoken words

Life at times has a way of making a mess of people. At times, when it seems like things are all figured out, more unexpected results springs up, further complicating things.

She was a happy child. A lot of her childhood photographs featured her unkempt appearance with a smile too big that it was the highlight of the pictures. Whenever she stared at the photographs, she was taken back to a time when her only problem was the decision of the type of biscuits she would ask her mother to buy next.

She created fantasies and lived her ideal dream life ‘in her head’ these days because that was the cheapest way she felt she could remain sane and not loose her mind. On days she couldn’t sleep , she would go on YouTube to watch series of concerts by secular musicians such as Rihanna and passenger amongst others and on days she was not feeling like a bug asking too much of God, she would watch gospel music concerts and even listen to sermons till she fell asleep.

She got used to things not going right that she refused to think or feel her failures or disappointment. It was like she expects everything she does to fail but she would not articulate her issues as they sounded small to her ears in comparison to how she actually felt. She hated being a burden to people and would rather not ask than take no for an answer. Even when people tells her to ask them when she was in need, she would rather not than allow them perceive her as a baggage of needs.

She knew she was not the only one going through stuffs, as other people has had it rougher so she rarely spoke about it. She hates confrontations and talking about certain things she has issues with in past as it made her feel emotions she would rather not feel – some people called how she coped “a gas station about to explode” but she preferred it to the uncertainty of how a particular situation would make her feel.

She still has hope for better days and future doing the things she loved, surrounded by people that loved her and she loved in return. she hoped for the day she would feel as light as the little carefree girl she saw in her childhood photograph.