The Good being near

“The salary is thirty thousand naira a month (which roughly converts to seventy dollars)” the interviewer announced.
I immediately started the calculations in my head. The job was six days a week in a month. The cost of commuting from my house to the office and back to my house for this duration was thirty four thousand naira monthly (eighty dollars).
“Lateness to office would not be condoned but you may be required to close later than the normal closing hour. The job is competitive and any one who falls short of the standard target could be laid off without pay.” the interviewer rounded off.

“University graduates to earn thirty thousand naira?” one of the applicants said to herself  when the interviewer left.
As I thought about this comment, my heart sank. I wondered how the employees of the company could afford the basic necessity of life with the high cost of living and transportation in Lagos. I had used up my savings from my NYSC days on transportation to job interviews. I needed a job badly but I knew l could not take this.

This interview story was in no way better than my other interviews experiences.
I was chatting with my friend, Chisom one day and she told me of her self- diagnosed depression after university. Shortly after, she gladly accepted a job as a debt collector at a Microfinance bank not caring about the meagre pay. She moved from markets to garages and also tricycle and motorcycle parks to collect money from market men and women, local mechanics,  bus drivers and motorcycle riders. Chisom endured their insults and disgusting flirtations, so she could keep her job. She became miserable and cried herself to sleep. She had to quit the job to maintain her sanity. After months of futile job search, she took the only job available. Her current boss calls her “very stupid”, ” weakling”, “dumb” but she can’t consider leaving the job.  
“Its just names, I would be fine” she answered when I asked if the names affected her in any way.

The need for jobs is most time equal to the need for survival at the moment therefore “insubstantial” excuses such as interest or passion cannot be entertained.

Successful business owners are swift to tell graduates to start up individual businesses with  no regards to the fact that a business start up are at times risks that requires capital and time. I know a lady, Zee. She started her business in makeup artistry and sales of makeup products from her days in the university. She regularly invests in her business, takes loans and struggle to make ends meet  because of clients that are unwilling to pay for the  services rendered.

The search for greener pastures and hope of better living conditions are some of the reasons Nigeria has an high statistics of its citizens migrating to other part of the world.

Some people live fair lives, I mean, they have good jobs and their conditions of living is favorable, so they can easily disregard this blog post because they can’t relate. This isn’t about them. This is the story of the majority that clings to the hope of “Good time being near”.

When worries cease

Is rush always equals effectiveness?

“Time waits for no man” is a popular quote. I often hear the quote in very popular juju and highlife music. It is read in books both in actual words and as the lessons or summaries.

I grew up on the mainland of Lagos, Nigeria. Noises and hoots of vehicles will wake a light sleeper at four o’clock in the morning. At day break, the rush begins. The rush to avoid the morning rush in Lagos, to beat traffic and to find a vehicle before bus conductors hikes the bus fare from its ever- increasing regular rates. The end of the day is most times anticipated from the beginning.

In this fast generation, general life pressure is intensified by the current economy of the country, the impression of the media and the stringent standards individuals setup themselves to meet.

The wise use of time is therefore translated into a rush. An average child is in a hurry to become a teenager, A teenager is in a hurry to grow into a youth, A youth in a hurry to get married, and by these, the process of life is rushed. Small wins are not celebrated, so bigger victories are not enjoyed. After the accomplishment, the feeling of rush dissipates. The hollow feeling is on the verge of surfacing ,so focus is often shifted to something else.

Do one need to rush to make good use of time?, do one have to be sluggish and let life and opportunities pass by? Is life not about balance? Don’t we have five senses for a reason?

Take a pause, celebrate small wins and big accomplishments, breathe, feel the cool breeze and atmosphere. Interact with the people around, friend, family and loved ones. Give treats from time to time. Try to enjoy every hour you can. Find time to do what you enjoy.

No human is perfect of themselves, therefore, it is important for us not to chase the wind in search of perfection and possession.

July 16th

#anxiety #mentalhealth #God

July 16th, 2020
One of the “Funniest” days of my entire existence.
I have told people I was feeling anxious about a particular thing or time but it was never in anyway close to how I was feeling on this day. I had minor issues receiving my NYSC certificate but that was the least of my problems.
I couldn’t place my mind on the issue, I just knew I was feeling anxious and unsafe. It felt like the world would crumble on my head.
My chest was hurting so much I couldn’t sleep well the night before, I couldn’t eat, I didn’t want to talk or interact with anyone but I still had to give fake laughs and make conversations with my friends I made during the service year – only God knows when next I would see them all in a place physically.

The next morning I received a news that confirmed my worst fears. One of my dad’s good friend, A deacon in our church and a wonderful man had passed on to Glory. Ah, I was devastated and shocked.
They said talking to people helps, so I spoke to one of my close friends, It only aggravated my feeling of helplessness. The internal battles were so much, I was cold from the inside out and shocked. I wanted to sleep but I feared to sleep, who knows what could happen in my sleep? Whenever I could sleep, it wasn’t restful, I woke up feeling drained and tired.
I didn’t want to go anywhere or even travel back home, Who knows what could happen on the road?, I wanted to be alone, but I couldn’t, what if I got attacked by a something? I tried praying but the words were not coming. I wasn’t sure I was loved by God anymore.

Some weeks before, a lady I seldom speak with, checked up on me because I crossed her mind(not her real name but let’s call her J). In that conversation, she kept on emphasizing that I could always talk to her anytime. Thank God for J.
After an energy-full of inner debate, I reached out to her and we talked via WhatsApp call. So comforting, like she was right beside me. We spoke for a while and she prayed for me .
I finally had the strength to pray on my own. I prayed. I never knew a day would come when I would need to pray that much. I prayed, I read my bible and old sermon notes on issues like anxiety and fear and I meditated on it.
Five days later, I wasn’t in the best state of mind but I had to travel back home. On a good day, I sleep in transit, but I couldn’t this time around. Super alert, I was praying under my breath, the journey felt like a battle. I would give my all never to feel like that again.

To cut the long story short, I have been home for close to three weeks and I feel good. I have been enjoying God’s love, the presence of my family and meditating on God’s word.

I feel so grateful for life and family.

I stopped reading a lot of books, un-followed a lot of influencers on Instagram and unsubscribed from a lot of YouTube channels. I have learnt that a lot of things/pages seem good but are toxic to the health.

If you are emotionally/mentally okay at this time, guard it well, You don’t have to watch everything or read everything available. It’s okay to stay off social media if it makes you feel somehow.

If you feel worried about your mental health, maybe an overwhelming feeling of helplessness, anxiety, depression or even suicide, You are not alone.
You really do need to talk to someone trustworthy or even a professional.
I was seeing a professional and I felt I was burdening her with my issues, so I stopped – A Bad decision, I am not proud of it but I must be truthful.

You also need to pray about it as God is always the ultimate source of Joy and stability.

Peace and Love Always,

Tee

Philippians 4:6-7.

I got insulted because of food

Joy and I were staying together during our service year. On this day, she told me that she met a boy at the bank and he wants to see her again, so she talked me into following her to see him at a popular eatery not far from our house. Normally, I wouldn’t give it a thought before saying No, but it was almost month end and my “allawee” had finished. I asked if there would be free food, her reply was “why not”. I prepared not to interfere in their conversations or talk except I was spoken to.

We got to the eatery late ,and after exchanging pleasantries with the boy , I sat behind them. After two hours, Joy, my roommate wasn’t talking about food and I was hungry. I kept on giving her signals but she pretended not to see them. When I couldn’t hold my hunger again, I interrupted their conversations and almost dragged her to the toilet and asked for my food, she smiled and promised to ask him to buy food for both of us. We returned to our seats and next I heard was the boy’s horrible loud voice almost yelling “why would you bring your hungry friend? , I don’t have cash o”. All eyes in the eatery was turned to him and I had never been that embarrassed!. I just pretended not to know him and that he wasn’t talking about me. If not for my roommate and hunger i would have just gone home but she signaled for me to wait. She told him he was shouting and after so much discussion and whispers between them, He gave her his ATM card to buy us food. Sadly enough, i ate the food,

Hunger has no shame

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