ReviewsbyTomi

A Morning of Mischief and Mercy

(Picture from reddit, but this dog looks a lot like Dior)

Sunday mornings are often a time for reflection and peace, but this particular day was about to unravel into chaos.

As I rushed to leave for church, I closed the gate with a sense of urgency, only to hear the unmistakable creak of it swinging open once more. It was as if fate itself had conspired against me, for in that moment, my mischievous dog, Dior, saw her chance and bolted down the street with a speed that seemed almost supernatural. I called out to her, my voice echoing through the air, but she was beyond reach, her ears deaf to my pleas.

Dior had a notorious reputation for chasing anything smaller than herself—chickens, cats, and even the occasional plastic bag dancing in the breeze—and I couldn’t risk leaving her loose. The closer I got, the farther she ran, as if we were engaged in a desperate game of cat and mouse. But I wasn’t in the mood for games; I was running perilously late, and every passing minute felt like an eternity ticking away.

What began as a quick attempt to corral her turned into an hour-long chase. The sun beat down relentlessly, draining my energy with each passing moment. My breath grew shorter, my legs aching from the relentless pursuit. Desperate for a solution, I decided to try a different tactic. I purchased some roasted fish from a nearby vendor, hoping the enticing aroma would lure her back from the brink of freedom.

Upon my return, I found Dior sitting calmly outside the gate, as if nothing had transpired. But as soon as she spotted me with the fish, she took off once more, leaving me to wonder if I would ever catch her. I was at my wit’s end, but I knew I had to get close enough for her to catch the scent. I began tossing pieces of fish in her direction, each one landing with a soft thud on the ground. She sniffed one cautiously before finally succumbing to her hunger and devouring it.

Slowly but surely, I managed to close the distance between us. With a final burst of energy, I grabbed her collar and pulled her toward me. Relief washed over me, but it was tempered by exhaustion and the knowledge that I was now significantly late for church. The morning that had begun with such promise had descended into chaos, all because of Dior’s insatiable thirst for adventure.

In that moment, I wanted to lock her up as punishment, but I was too drained and sweaty to muster the energy. Instead, I gave her a stern look and secured the gate once more. Then, with a deep sigh, I set off for church, leaving behind the tumult of the morning.

Unspoken words

Life at times has a way of making a mess of people. At times, when it seems like things are all figured out, more unexpected results springs up, further complicating things.

She was a happy child. A lot of her childhood photographs featured her unkempt appearance with a smile too big that it was the highlight of the pictures. Whenever she stared at the photographs, she was taken back to a time when her only problem was the decision of the type of biscuits she would ask her mother to buy next.

She created fantasies and lived her ideal dream life ‘in her head’ these days because that was the cheapest way she felt she could remain sane and not loose her mind. On days she couldn’t sleep , she would go on YouTube to watch series of concerts by secular musicians such as Rihanna and passenger amongst others and on days she was not feeling like a bug asking too much of God, she would watch gospel music concerts and even listen to sermons till she fell asleep.

She got used to things not going right that she refused to think or feel her failures or disappointment. It was like she expects everything she does to fail but she would not articulate her issues as they sounded small to her ears in comparison to how she actually felt. She hated being a burden to people and would rather not ask than take no for an answer. Even when people tells her to ask them when she was in need, she would rather not than allow them perceive her as a baggage of needs.

She knew she was not the only one going through stuffs, as other people has had it rougher so she rarely spoke about it. She hates confrontations and talking about certain things she has issues with in past as it made her feel emotions she would rather not feel – some people called how she coped “a gas station about to explode” but she preferred it to the uncertainty of how a particular situation would make her feel.

She still has hope for better days and future doing the things she loved, surrounded by people that loved her and she loved in return. she hoped for the day she would feel as light as the little carefree girl she saw in her childhood photograph.

Mad Movement

I wore the most uncomfortable dress ever to the party I attended last week. I had to loosen the belt when I sit and fasten when I stand. Hikmah, my friend had a brief episode of allergic reaction to something she ate. I looked around, A girl of about eight years old was looking from left and right, monitoring people’s attention to sip from a bottle of trophy lager beer .Three speakers playing different songs blasting on what seem like their highest volumes that it was hard to discern which to vibe to. Surplus jollof rice, Different kinds of Yoruba dishes, Party souvenirs and women with almost clownish makeups selling alcoholic drinks could be seen everywhere.

After what seem like a good time at the party, we were set to leave by 5pm hoping to get home by 8pm to watch the football champions league final by Chelsea and Manchester city when another guest told us that a truck had fallen on the main road around Agric Bus stop.

Five in the car, One of the party hosts that we called Sister Shola, Her husband who drove the car, one of Sister Shola’s family member that we called Sister Tutu, Hikmah and I decided to take the alternate route. After three minutes drive on this alternate route, we encountered traffic. Hikmah started to sleep and I thought of browsing through social media on my phone to keep myself occupied.

Sister Tutu: What are you doing with your phone out?

Me: (confused about the question) Just to check my WhatsApp messages.

S. Tutu: If you love your phone, you better put it back in your bag

Me: (determined to have coconut head) why?

S.Tutu: Earlier this year, I was in a car with wound up glasses when I heard two loud bangs on the glass, next I knew, my phone was gone.

Me: (more determined to go through my phone but smartly) how manage?

S. Tutu: (looking at me with her brows half raised), they broke the side glass and collected my phone in traffic. My husband stretched out his hands and collected it back and the guys brought out gun so I returned it to the thieves. Phone and life is incomparable.

Me: (very alert now, gently returns my phone to my bag while looking around to be sure I have not been monitored by external eyes outside the car) that’s very alarming. Sorry about your phone.

The alternative road was an abandoned project so one half of the road was locked and the other was jammed by impatient drivers. We spent two more hours almost not moving and when the traffic eased, the husband of the host had to manipulate his way further so we won’t get stuck in the same spot. We got stuck in traffic again in front. Then came a woman wearing Red and yellow with a masculine aso òké cap.

Red and Yellow: (speaking Yoruba), it would have been better if you jumped.

Brother Afeez (sis shola’s husband): why?

Red and Yellow: ( looking pleased that she attracted attention), You are so impatient!, Now you have gotten stuck in traffic again, it would have been better if you jumped. (Goes on to call B.Afeez horrible Yoruba names)

B. Afeez: I know you are not all right, so just get out of my side

Red and yellow went on making noises, calling horrible names and throwing insults and made the mistake of adding the ladies in the vehicle to the insults

S.Tutu: Who are you talking to?

Red and Yellow: You people in the car could not advise him against his rough driving

S. Tutu: come and collect the car keys and drive it then, Idiot!, what exactly is your work in this traffic?, Public nuisance.

At this point, Hikmah started to laugh from her sleep and continued to laugh like a possessed human being.

Red and Yellow: (obviously pained that S.Tutu had made her look ridiculous), You have no manners!!, is this how you talk to your mom at home?

S.Tutu: My mother is not a public nuisance and she has a job and minds her business she doesn’t go around in traffic disgracing herself!, you look so dirty you are almost invisible with the night!

They kept exchanging words and S. Tutu was obviously winning. Red and Yellow becomes more pained and poked S. Tutu on her nose. Sister Shola opened the vehicle door

S. Shola: if e sure for you, move closer and see if I won’t beat you

Red and Yellow starts to run away

S.Tutu: (starts to open the car door to catch Red and Yellow, I had to hold her hands down, she starts to struggle and I almost got punched) leave me alone, Tomi

Red and Yellow: (still speaking Yoruba) You, alakowe will be speaking English there, is it because I did not go to school?

S. Tutu: (starts to scream in Yoruba), Olodo!!!, were we the ones that asked you not to go to school? Apoda!!, Agbaya, Alayini ronu, three coach!!

Brother Afeez started pacifying them. Red and Yellow came back, B.Afeez then wound up the glass, locked the door and turns on the air conditioning. Red and yellow continues to make noise by the side of the car. Sister Shola opens the door again and sticks her neck out again.

S. Shola: (On top of her voice), Nuisance, get a job and a life. You are already putting on Red and Yellow. Kuku go and enrol yourself in a LASTMA’s office or traffic warden’s office.

Red and Yellow: (Almost crying), do I look like a LASTMA’s officer?

She went on listing obviously made up stuff because she couldn’t even pronounce them. R&Y and sister Tutu continued throwing words till brother Afeez moved out of the traffic.

At the next traffic stop, we hear shouts of goal!, B.Afeez turned on his radio so we can follow the audio version of the match. Chelsea scored a goal at half time and we spent the remaining one hour of the match on the same spot, Chelsea was the winner of the champions league. My leg started hurting and we decided to listen to trendy songs and Hikmah told me naira Marley had a new song and started to sing Orgasm orgasm, next we heard was a bang. A Danfo bus driver had hit the car.

B. Afeez: (comes down from the car), Are you stupid?

Danfo Driver: (feigning ignorance), what did I do?

B. Afeez: can’t you see that you hit my car?

Danfo Driver: No vex , I no see am, Dey go

B. Afeez left the scene and proceeded into the next traffic stop. A man on the extreme lane behind a Police Pickup truck held a koboko up and whipped any car that tried to overtake his. We managed to Dodge the whip from touching the body of the car as we moved unto the free road to mile 12.

From mile 12 to Yaba was free till we got to a police checkpoint.

B.Afeez: Oga, good evening

Police Officer: Where are you coming from?

B. Afeez: We go do gbenusi

P. O: oya, do for us too

B. Afeez: Nothing o, there is nothing, we don dey traffic since 5

P.O: (sees that he can’t receive anything from us, dismisses us) oya dey go.

Last Saturday was a whole experience even though many are mad, few are roaming.We got home around 1 am on Sunday morning. Lagos traffic is not for the faint-hearted.

Please Follow: @beautybyhikmah on Instagram, she beautified the two beautiful babes on the Display picture

A week in my life

Friday, May 14th
I spent my day sleeping till 7pm when I remembered that my hair dresser closes around 7pm. I ran like my whole life depends on it, I was not going to wash my dirty and hard hair myself. My hairdresser was very grumpy so she overcharged me ( by a hundred naira) but who am I to complain?

Saturday, May 15th
I woke up reasonably early and sneaked out of the house so I would not have to do the cooking that morning, to make my hair. She told me it would not take more than 2 hours but we spent up to 5 hours, I was tired and she was tired, but I still had to go to my friend, Hikmah’s house. My mom was talking about food but I pretended not to hear so I could go to see Hikmah on time.

Sunday, May 16th
It was a struggle getting out of bed to church, but I got there when the word was being shared and I later proceeded to the mall to see a friend I was meeting physically for the first time. My tiredness caught up with me and I had to go home to rest

Monday, May 17th
My friend, Hikmah is a makeup Artist that had a meeting with vendors for a wedding job she was booked for. With lot of feeling of self importance, I followed her. I met a new friend, Oluwadarasimi,

Oluwadarasimi is a cute baby that refuses his baby formula always. I threatened to eat his food, he still did not care. Such arrogance!

Tuesday, May 18th
Hikmah had makeup class to teach and I was the model. More self importance feeling activated

Wednesday, May 19th
After Lots of freaking out, We went to the market and spent most of the time talking with sellers about Nigeria and how to persevere in spite of all odds.
Later in the evening, I had a mini breakdown so I decided to make myself feel better by going to the mall. I felt a little better when I got back at Hikmah’s

Thursday, May 20th
We went to another market to buy more stuffs and spent too much money because the prices of everything had doubled.

Friday, May 21st
Hikmah had a job for a traditional wedding so I followed as second assistant. Hikmah and her cousin, Muhsi, the first assistant worked while I was lying idle. I later found a use for myself in playing music. I still did not perform well but someone with a more appropriate music compilation came along and I didn’t feel bad. The bride look so beautiful and I spent quality time saying, “God, when? “.
I had another mini breakdown but Muhsi is an absolute goofball, I laughed till my side was hurting that night.

Saturday, May 22nd
The day started so early because it was the white wedding of the job Hikmah was booked for. The bride looked so beautiful, More ” God, when” moments. And then came the bridal vehicle. Two limousines and a Rolls Royce. More and More “God, when moment”. We spent a little bit of time talking about heartbreaks and relationship with a married woman.
Then, more laughs with Muhsi and Hikmah.

Sunday, May 23rd
I tried to attend church earlier but my laziness caught up with me again. After church service, I went to visit Seun, an old friend of mine. Apparently, I am married without my knowledge, because what else can explain why someone bought me food because I am Seun’s wife?. Anyway, I ate all of the food without giving Seun a spoon. It was nice seeing him again. I left with more souvenir.

Note: Most times, my weeks are not eventful. There are times I only leave home once a week. I had a busy and lovely week. I obviously took out a lot of information but I hope you had a good week too? Please feel free to tell me about it.

Please follow my Hikmah’s business page on Instagram @beautybyhikmah. Its as good as supporting me

When worries cease

Is rush always equals effectiveness?

“Time waits for no man” is a popular quote. I often hear the quote in very popular juju and highlife music. It is read in books both in actual words and as the lessons or summaries.

I grew up on the mainland of Lagos, Nigeria. Noises and hoots of vehicles will wake a light sleeper at four o’clock in the morning. At day break, the rush begins. The rush to avoid the morning rush in Lagos, to beat traffic and to find a vehicle before bus conductors hikes the bus fare from its ever- increasing regular rates. The end of the day is most times anticipated from the beginning.

In this fast generation, general life pressure is intensified by the current economy of the country, the impression of the media and the stringent standards individuals setup themselves to meet.

The wise use of time is therefore translated into rush. An average child is in a hurry to become a teenager, A teenager is in a hurry to grow into a youth, A youth in a hurry to get married, and by these, the process of life is rushed. Small wins are not celebrated, so bigger victories are not enjoyed. After the accomplishment, the feeling of rush dissipates. The hollow feeling is on the verge of surfacing ,so focus is often shifted to something else.

Do one need to rush to make good use of time?, do one have to be sluggish and let life and opportunities pass by? Is life not about balance? Don’t we have five senses for a reason?

Take a pause, celebrate small wins and big accomplishments, breathe, feel the cool breeze and atmosphere. Interact with the people around, friend, family and loved ones. Give treats from time to time. Try to enjoy every hour you can. Find time to do what you enjoy.

No human is perfect of themselves, therefore, it is important not to chase the wind in search of perfection and possession.

I got insulted because of food

Joy and I were staying together during our service year. On this day, she told me that she met a boy at the bank and he wants to see her again, so she talked me into following her to see him at a popular eatery not far from our house. Normally, I wouldn’t give it a thought before saying No, but it was almost month end and my “allawee” had finished. I asked if there would be free food, her reply was “why not”. I prepared not to interfere in their conversations or talk except I was spoken to.

We got to the eatery late ,and after exchanging pleasantries with the boy , I sat behind them. After two hours, Joy, my roommate wasn’t talking about food and I was hungry. I kept on giving her signals but she pretended not to see them. When I couldn’t hold my hunger again, I interrupted their conversations and almost dragged her to the toilet and asked for my food, she smiled and promised to ask him to buy food for both of us. We returned to our seats and next I heard was the boy’s horrible loud voice almost yelling “why would you bring your hungry friend? , I don’t have cash o”. All eyes in the eatery was turned to him and I had never been that embarrassed!. I just pretended not to know him and that he wasn’t talking about me. If not for my roommate and hunger i would have just gone home but she signaled for me to wait. She told him he was shouting and after so much discussion and whispers between them, He gave her his ATM card to buy us food. Sadly enough, i ate the food,

Hunger has no shame